My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
