you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
