Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
