Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
