Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
