i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
