We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
