Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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