I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
