On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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