why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
