This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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