let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We need to rekindle our bromance
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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