This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I can't put those talents on a resume
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i now understand why vodka
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
