if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
where are my eyebrows?
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