; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
