I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
True strength comes from lack of pants
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
