I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
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