It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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