Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Also, beer. Big fan.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
