You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
