I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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