but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
