This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
