Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
