Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
