I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
