Got a toothbrush?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
