I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
