It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
