when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
