sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
