She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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