This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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