So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
