i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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