I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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