nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
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