I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
