how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
