Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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