Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
