the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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