Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
