I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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