Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
