Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
