I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
