I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
