my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have aggressive nipples.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
